Networking through Sex: Depends on Your Threshold of Conscience
I was a Keynote Speaker with an uplifting talk “Do It Your Way ” to the first cohort of participants for 2017 of the Young African Leaders Initiative (YALI ) Regional Leadership Centre, Southern Africa programme hosted by UNISA Graduate School of Business Leadership (SBL) and USAID. It was great sharing the morning with 130 Young Leaders from Angola, Botswana, Comoros, Lesotho, Malawi, Madagascar, Mauritius, Mozambique, Namibia, Seychelles, South Africa, Swaziland, Zambia and Zimbabwe.
During the Q & A, one young leader asked for clarification on the issue of Networking. I had spoken about as much as it is important and critical that you are Excellent in what you do, whether in your career or business, in the Global world, who you know is a sought after Currency because most things are achieved with and through people. Thus one needs to be strategic in how you build diverse networks without abusing, using and manipulating people. No one wants to be used. In fact, you will develop more lasting and beneficial relationships if you give more than ask for or receive. When you spend time depositing into your Connections Emotional Bank Accounts, when you need help, you are most likely to get enthusiastic support than if you have a tendency of always asking and never giving of yourself or helping other people to also achieve their goals.
Relationships are the lubricants that make Trades flow, Economies run and Societies function. These do not have to be corrupt and unethical. But the reality is that we can’t achieve much as Islands. We worth with and through people to make the world go round.
The question paraphrased was, “As a young woman and entrepreneur, trying to build my business. And encountering many unwanted advances which in saying ‘No’ to blocks my progress and growth. Is giving in and sleeping with them what you would consider Networking?”
We laughed at the question. It was tongue and cheek. But it also had a raw and uncomfortable reality that all of us in the room could identify or empathise with. Men also get hit on by individuals in more powerful positions. Women have tended to be more open about their experiences. But also because the traditional power structures in most societies are still more male than female, the incidences tend to be skewed towards women.
My answer was that your response to an unwanted advance – whether you cave in or not – really depends on the vision you have for your life. What is the End that you have in Mind. Thus having a Personal Vision for your life is where all of us should start. It helps you filter and prioritise what you encounter in this life. Values and Principles are the guide posts that help us wade through the landmines of Choices and Decisions we have to make in living towards our vision. Our visions are as diverse as the billions of humans are on this Earth. Through our actions and behaviours we are translating our life vision.
What is not cool to do is to judge someone else’s Choices and Decisions. You can observe. Acknowledge. But not judge. You don’t know what their vision is. So I cannot answer such a question for someone else. Even if their espoused vision and their lived vision are contradictory, who am I to judge? I don’t know what pressures they have in their life. There is a saying, “YOU CAN’T REALLY UNDERSTAND ANOTHER PERSON’S EXPERIENCE UNTIL YOU’VE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR SHOES.” What I can say. Make your decisions and choices, small and large. Understand that with every choice and decision there is a consequence. You cannot control or predict the consequence. Make peace with the fact that you must live with the consequence, whatever it is. Most importantly, make choices and decisions that allow you to have peace of mind. That allow you to sleep without needing medication because you cannot quiten your conscience. We all have different thresholds of consciences. Know yours.
So whether sleeping with someone to put food on yours and your family’s table is part of Networking or not. That is for you to answer in the moment. When I find myself hitting walls and getting into situations that might lead to desperate measures. I tend to appreciate that my brain is stuck and I am not thinking creatively about alternative solutions. I am blessed to know and have access to people with amazing brainpower. I had such a situation this week. I sent out questions and requests for help. The responses have already started my creative juices flowing. I am finding ways around obstacles. My energies are up to triumph over this particular challenge.
During the Q & A, one young leader asked for clarification on the issue of Networking. I had spoken about as much as it is important and critical that you are Excellent in what you do, whether in your career or business, in the Global world, who you know is a sought after Currency because most things are achieved with and through people. Thus one needs to be strategic in how you build diverse networks without abusing, using and manipulating people. No one wants to be used. In fact, you will develop more lasting and beneficial relationships if you give more than ask for or receive. When you spend time depositing into your Connections Emotional Bank Accounts, when you need help, you are most likely to get enthusiastic support than if you have a tendency of always asking and never giving of yourself or helping other people to also achieve their goals.
Relationships are the lubricants that make Trades flow, Economies run and Societies function. These do not have to be corrupt and unethical. But the reality is that we can’t achieve much as Islands. We worth with and through people to make the world go round.
The question paraphrased was, “As a young woman and entrepreneur, trying to build my business. And encountering many unwanted advances which in saying ‘No’ to blocks my progress and growth. Is giving in and sleeping with them what you would consider Networking?”
We laughed at the question. It was tongue and cheek. But it also had a raw and uncomfortable reality that all of us in the room could identify or empathise with. Men also get hit on by individuals in more powerful positions. Women have tended to be more open about their experiences. But also because the traditional power structures in most societies are still more male than female, the incidences tend to be skewed towards women.
My answer was that your response to an unwanted advance – whether you cave in or not – really depends on the vision you have for your life. What is the End that you have in Mind. Thus having a Personal Vision for your life is where all of us should start. It helps you filter and prioritise what you encounter in this life. Values and Principles are the guide posts that help us wade through the landmines of Choices and Decisions we have to make in living towards our vision. Our visions are as diverse as the billions of humans are on this Earth. Through our actions and behaviours we are translating our life vision.
What is not cool to do is to judge someone else’s Choices and Decisions. You can observe. Acknowledge. But not judge. You don’t know what their vision is. So I cannot answer such a question for someone else. Even if their espoused vision and their lived vision are contradictory, who am I to judge? I don’t know what pressures they have in their life. There is a saying, “YOU CAN’T REALLY UNDERSTAND ANOTHER PERSON’S EXPERIENCE UNTIL YOU’VE WALKED A MILE IN THEIR SHOES.” What I can say. Make your decisions and choices, small and large. Understand that with every choice and decision there is a consequence. You cannot control or predict the consequence. Make peace with the fact that you must live with the consequence, whatever it is. Most importantly, make choices and decisions that allow you to have peace of mind. That allow you to sleep without needing medication because you cannot quiten your conscience. We all have different thresholds of consciences. Know yours.
So whether sleeping with someone to put food on yours and your family’s table is part of Networking or not. That is for you to answer in the moment. When I find myself hitting walls and getting into situations that might lead to desperate measures. I tend to appreciate that my brain is stuck and I am not thinking creatively about alternative solutions. I am blessed to know and have access to people with amazing brainpower. I had such a situation this week. I sent out questions and requests for help. The responses have already started my creative juices flowing. I am finding ways around obstacles. My energies are up to triumph over this particular challenge.
So before you get into situations where only one choice may seem to be the only choice. Use your Networks to get your brain working again. Sometimes that is the help we need. Diverse minds focusing on the same problem result in innovative and creative outcomes. Get support before you are on your last Breathe. We may save ourselves from making Choices and Decisions we cannot ever return from. Our Peace of Mind and Joy gone forever 😇 😙 😇 . Hugs