The Anxiety of Being Alone

I have always been fascinated about the anxiety of being alone. My sister S’celo did not enjoy being alone. When we were younger we shared a bedroom. Though we were hardly ever at home at the same time and we were in boarding school since about 8 years old. And during holidays, we were in Swaziland or Soweto, most times.

As young adults, we had separate bedrooms.  She preferred having her TV on even when she slept. Or she would be on the road constantly visiting family and friends. She was the “friendly” one. She was forever fascinated about my comfort in being alone. Even with people in the same house, I carve out my own space. It is always interesting how our neuroses and shortcomings can be seen as and become strengths in the eyes of others. That is what makes being Human so complicated and interesting.

It really fascinated me why the anxiety of being alone. What in childhood triggers it? Or was it because she was a premature baby placed in an incubator for about 2 months? Never really know. I have always been comfortable with solitude. Even in crowds or amongst family members, I preferred sitting back and observing rather than participating. Which is why it is interesting that my career ended up being more “on stage”. But then I need to withdraw. Which confuses someone who cannot reconcile the home “Dudu” and work “Dudu”. The written word has always been my Saving Grace. From emails to text messages. I preferred writing my conversations than speaking. Even my PA now tries to get me to record dictation. Too much talking 😭😭

I used to get feedback about the wordy emails and texts. How do you tell people, “I prefer to write than speak” unless it is people close to you. Even to this day, people believe because I lecture and do public speaking that I speak a lot. Or if I attend an event and ask questions or participate in discussions that I love speaking. Or because they read my posts, I am a socialite 🤭🤫🤔🤐. Fascinating how we put people in boxes!

This time of the year really exposes the anxiety people have about being on their own. There is confusion that being alone means being lonely. That if you are not surrounded by people, that you are not loved or lovable. Was so proud of my buddy in Spain who sent a message that on Christmas Eve she deliberately decided to be on her own. She usually likes being with people. Would go to a pub or club just to meet people. Her family is on a different continent.  So was so proud that she allowed the discomfort to wash over her until she appreciated the bliss of being on her own.

I have always appreciated the wisdom in this quote “Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness”.  – Mandy Hale. Whether it is a love partner. Or getting a child. Is it because we need them to help us not feel and look lonely? Or alone?

Hope you can overcome your anxiety of being alone, if you suffer from it. That you truly believe that You are Enough. To enjoy your own thoughts. To get your Bliss from your own company. When you are attracted to Others, that you are driven by Love rather than Fear. It makes for enriching and freeing relationships. If you seek people to fill you up. You will drain them. Your neediness will be palpable no matter how you think you are disguising it. You will always be living in fear and anxiety of them leaving you. That is no way to live.

What I wish for You. Self-love. Self-worth. You are Enough 😇🥰🤗