Cheating is about how you feel about yourself

In the realm of romantic love and relationships, I am more of an observer and student than a participant. The common thread I have observed and from the feedback that has reached my ears, I have come to a conclusion that love, especially faithful, respectful and monogamous LOVE is ignited, grows and lasts as a result of how you make the other person feel about themselves. The key being “about themselves”.

So there is actually no silver bullet and blueprint for achieving that because individuals are as diverse as their upbringing and experiences. So what makes one feel good about themselves is really an internal journey. Relationships just magnify what is already within the person. There is no title, amount of money, beauty and a way to Be or lack thereof that will make someone who is insecure, lacking in self-confidence, self-esteem, self-worth and easily challenged by things that they are not accustomed to, suddenly not feel threatened or feel less than because of something you are or that you do or do not do. Because who were they attracted to in the first place if all you are and have is suddenly a problem? 

If someone starts chiselling you through words or actions to model you into someone else, you were always just the clay out of which they are creating their perfect Adam or Eve. It was never about You. Even if tomorrow, you lost all your money, your title/ position or your looks, you served them hand and foot, they would still make you feel that something you are doing is not satisfactory to them and give themselves license to cheat on you or to treat you disrespectfully, whether in your face or behind your back. 

We all express our shock that someone’s partner is cheating on them with the “hired help” or anyone else. We look at the one being cheated on as though it is their lack that has created the situation. No it is not. It is the person doing the cheating that is lacking. And until they fill themselves UP, no partner would ever arrest their attention. Which is why some people stray even for a “minute”. That minute is a signal that they are feeling a lack in themselves and instead of looking internally to deal with those uncomfortable emotions and perceptions about themselves and their lives at that moment, they step out of their relationship so as to feel good about themselves. But it is just a temporary fix. They still lack whatever they lack. 

It is not a natural, biological, cultural or modern day issue to cheat. Which is why there is a choice to have other types of relationships and unions that do not require faithfulness and monogamy. But they need your partner to also know that they are in that type of relationship and it is not a one sided arrangement. We just sanctify disrespectful and painful behaviour so we can all sleep better without tackling our internal uncomfortable issues.

So let’s be kind and compassionate to one another. Don’t gloat when someone is going through unfaithfulness and disrespect. Let’s coach ourselves, our friends, our family members and our acquaintances to look inwardly first before choosing a life partner and when we do, to look inside ourselves, before stepping out on our partners. We will hopefully create stronger and healthier homes and as a result more inspirational human beings that make this world better than how we found it 💞💋💓